Disrupting the Loneliness Epidemic
The terms Isolation & alienation were once reserved to be associated with confinement and capital punishment. Now they have become ubiquitous. Such a reality begets a litany of questions: Do we know how to speak about loneliness? Are we learning to empathize with the lonely kid sitting in the cafeteria? Is civil discourse in this realm possible without polarizing bald assertions?
I feel it. We all experience it. Today's economic & social landscape has made quite the impact on our collective health. Sub-labels like auto-phobia - the fear of being alone or lonely - and intellectual loneliness - feeling alone despite a level of intelligence have made their way in to internet culture. While such classification may offer hope, much remains to be done to heal and repair the essence of human fabric.
Loneliness and mental health
Although psychiatry has worked hard to de-stigmatize things like depression, and to a large part it has been successful. People are comfortable saying they’re depressed. But they think twice before saying they’re lonely, because you’re the person eating alone by yourself. That may be a respite for some, but a death sentence for others.
What’s more, is that boundaries between the two have been blurred for quite some time. Loneliness has been linked to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke and the progression of Alzheimer’s. Its been touted as much of a long-term risk factor as smoking. Why does admitting to the hollow feeling give birth to guilt?
Presence in men’s health
There's a wide socioeconomic divide between men who have work friends and always people around them vs. men who live alone with their partners and are under-employed or seeking employment.
En Masse, we are all re writing our social contracts. In many ways, the global crisis is an accelerant of this process. I realized that despite being an empathetic, self-aware guy, I was still missing a key element to my emotional health: other self-aware men.
I’m lacking healthy, honest men to get clarity from about a career move or life issue. Admitting it didn’t come naturally, even though I’m clearly a textbook case of the silent majority who grimace at the thought of being starved for friendship. My default state is to ruminate until it boils over in to frustration or reckless abandon of my self development goals.
Lot of guys share their vulnerabilities with their partners. Women enable that behaviour by saying yes. That might need to change for better health & longevity. In the western world, modern masculinity aims to bring relief to that model. The introduction of men’s support groups and private group sessions ensure men of all ages have spaces for healthy self-expression and dialogue. But are there barriers to entry?
For South Asian men, this is a problem - a really deep and serious problem. Not only can we not accept that we are malfunctioning, but a "real" man would deal with it. Even basic tenets like personal accountability are looked at with scorn. A deprivation of environmental factors like being outside your home, bumping in to people, conversing with acquaintances, can make things worse. According to neuroscience, all these co factors aid in what’s known as synaptic plasticity - the brain’s ability to generate new connections and learn new things. And that compounds the feeling of alienation.
When men suffer from problems of loneliness in silence and fall victim to substance abuse or suicide, women and girls are the ones left to pick up the pieces and take on caregiving burdens. Men display covert aversion to the permanent veil of ambiguity that sets in response to presenting your digital self hoods. Expressing creative ideas using the English language can become an ordeal. Rigidity around feelings can set in which transmutes in to apathy. I certainly felt that as some of my sentiments were raw, unstructured and contradictory in nature.
So what, then, is a man to do when he needs honest, unbiased support from someone other than his partner? Does venting controlled passion make me a better man? Or does surrendering my vitality rob me of my masculine traits? Either way, we need to develop a sense of urgency in our collective outreach. Opening up about the duality of the South Asian diaspora experience can help bridge the gap that exists.